Makin’ the Most of It

A Pink Dormouse Production


It’s eleven hundred hours an’ we’re still in bed. Part of Avon’s latest scheme to irritate Blake. Gone unnoticed, of course, but I’m not exactly complainin’. At least it means I get my dues. I chew gently on a nice unscarred bit of shoulder while I wait for my coffee to cool.

Coffee beans are an unnecessary luxury but, hey, I was bored of always gettin’ the blame for any discrepancy between the cost of computer parts and the change we brought back.

Avon lifts my free hand to his lips and sucks on my first two fingers. The intercom crackles and he leaps up to answer it. So much for a nice lazy morning.

Not only do we now have somewhere to be, but somehow me coffee’s got spilt all over the trousers I was planning on wearin’. Obviously I don’t keep any clothes in Avon’s cabin. Too much like this was deliberate, a relationship or somethin’. He gives me an apologetic look and kneels next to the bed.

"I could lend you a pair." He really shouldn’t use that tone of voice when we’ve got somewhere to be.

So I pull on the leather trousers he hands me, along with the rest of my clothes and we get ourselves along to the teleport. Avon keeps sneakin’ a look at me arse.

"They look good on you. Maybe I should let you keep them." Bastard, in front of Cally too. She seems amused enough, obviously Jenna’s bin ‘consoling’ her again. Actually that probably makes it all the more annoying.

Bit of a walk to the base. Avon should really get more sensible boots if he’s goin’ to be running about on pebbles. An’ I’m sure he lent me the tightest trousers in his wardrobe. Prob’ly look good but not exactly practical.

Crawling up that outflow pipe isn’t particularly good for trousers or boots. Since we got in he seems to have avoided looking at me. Obviously he doesn’t want the trousers putting him off his stride. So what is it wi’ him and this Tynus bloke?

Kicking someone’s door in isn’t very friendly but since when did Avon knock? Tynus doesn’t seem too surprised. Does everyone kick his door open, or something?

There’s far too much tension between those two. If a fraud was all they were in together, I’ll... I’ll give up drinking, that’s how sure I am. If it was anyone else I’d probably be enjoyin’ the show but I don’t like the feeling I’m missing something here. I collar Avon an’ ask him about it when Tynus is out of earshot.

"Error of youth" is all he’ll say on the subject.

Tynus asks us if we mind second-hand goods.

"No, we’re not fussy." Avon especially by the look o’ things. I shall be having words wi’ him when we get back. Not that I care, of course.

I get in a couple of jibes at Avon after Tynus is out of the room but he’s on top form as well so I have a taste of the booze Tynus left lying around. About as classy as he is. Avon acts like he’d never dream of drinking when he’s supposed to be working. Come to think of it, he prob’ly wouldn’t, uppers are more his thing.

Tynus comes back an’ tells us about the message they’ve just had from Blake. Sounds like Avon’s gadget still works though. He hates me referrin’ to it like that but ’s true, it’s only something he knocked up when he was bored.

Avon’s getting very edgy about all this. I’m not sure I can stand ten hours of him bitching, even if most of it is directed at Tynus. I really wish the pair of ’em would just get over it. All this tension’s makin’ me thirsty... I’m sure Tynus is up to something, Avon seems to think so too, which is going to do wonders for his mood.

Yep, Avon’s in a worse mood than ever. He’s not picking up on any of the lines I throw him. And he really didn’t like me getting’ at him about Blake. I’d offer to do something for his tension but I don’t think he’d appreciate it right now.

Don’t like the sound of this bug that’s goin’ round. I’ll worry about it after Avon’s got the crystal. Sooner we get out of here the better, I’d say.

I was right about Tynus. Git. Betraying us like that. I presume he’s lost whatever redeeming features Avon saw in him. Bloody Avon.

I’m a bit worried what Tynus will do about Avon if we don’t get away before the Federation shows up. Probably be nasty. I want out now. I’m not sticking around to get infected with some virus. Avon, of course wants to finish what we came here to do. Then again I don’t know how much he’s stressin’ over that and how much everything else is getting to him as well.

We decide to get the crystal without any help from Tynus. Avon leaves me on watch while he gets the crystal. I don’t like this, who knows whether we’ve got that bug too or not? Sooner we’re away, the better. Someone crawls towards me, don’t like the look of what that bug’s doin’ to him. Probably really hurts. Then I get hit...

That bastard Tynus got the jump on me and is havin’ a go at Avon. I try to get a clear shot at him but it’s not easy when Avon keeps getting in the way. Not nice watching Tynus get electrocuted but not as nasty as Avon made it sound.

So we’ve got the crystal and got it an’ ourselves back to the Liberator then Blake wants to warn the rest of the universe about the virus but Avon doesn’t. Cue pointless arguing. Blake wins, of course.

We agree we’ve done enough for one day an’ go to my cabin. Well, Blake could’ve stayed on the ship and had a nice relaxing time if he’d felt like it. So he can do his watch himself, I’m not swappin’ wi’ him.

Avon an’ me play seriously rough an’ I end up bruising him pretty badly, which I never do normally. Not that he minds. He’s into all that stuff but I’m not. I’m not mad with him, I think we’re just both full of being alive an’ not fried to a crisp like Tynus or eaten up by a virus like those other poor people.

He’s lyin’ across me after, an’ I run my fingers down his arm. He make a little contented noise and shifts his weight slightly.

"Not sorry he’s dead?" I ask.

"Definitely not."

"So what happened with you two?"

"I told you. We were in a fraud. I got caught, he got away with it. They knew there had to be someone on the inside, but I kept my word and didn’t tell them, no matter what they did to me." I’m hoping he spares me the gory details, knowing might help me figure him out a bit more but I’d still prefer not. Bit squeamish me.

"I was young, a genius, with no prior offences they knew about so eventually they decided I was too useful to them and set me to work on a project they were having problems with. After some intensive psychotherapy, obviously."

"Didn’t work, though," I say. He shakes his head, clams up. "It’s okay, I wasn’t expectin’ an answer." He looks straight at me then looks away. Bugger. Suppose I’ve spoilt the mood now.

"As soon as I could be sure they’d stopped watching me, I hacked into the security records, erased everything I could about myself." He’s not being entirely accurate there. There’s hardly anything on file about him at all, anywhere. No medical details, nothing about his family, only the briefest of academic histories. I don’t know how much of it he erased and how much has been wiped by other people. I do keep wonderin’ whether there’s anything else he’s hiding, stuff he doesn’t want to have to talk about. He looks me in the eye again. "I could fix your records if you wanted. It would be even easier with Orac."

I consider his offer. It would mean telling him what I want erased; not that he doesn’t know most of it. Even the bad stuff, I’ve told him a lot of that when I’ve been drunk enough to pretend we’re both goin’ to forget about it afterwards.

"’S okay, Avon, you don’t need to. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know." He breaks eye contact but not before I see the look of understanding in them. Bastard. But then he’s been through enough as well. I grip him tightly to me and eventually we fall asleep like that.

Blake collars us the next morning. Well, technically it’s still morning...

"You two. I don’t care what you do in your spare time but it would be nice to see you both on the flight deck at a reasonable time once in a while." Avon glares at him, then at me and stalks off. That’s me back out of favour then.


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