Past and Present
A Pink Dormouse Production
Callys got them all doing exercises or some such for stress relief so Im stuck by meself on the flight deck. Not that I see the point anyway, whatever happened to relaxing with a drink? Surprised Avons got himself involved though, I thought I was his stress-relief. Its bin a week at least since hes shown any interest in me at all so maybe a breakll do us all good. An if Avons not interested in me Im sure Ill find someone on Del Ten who is. It sounds like that sort of place. Cant wait to get there. Unlike Blake, who seems very unexcited about it when he comes in an goes out again.
Bloody soddin' bastard! Blakes only gone an changed course without consulting any of us. Me one consolation is that none of the others are any happier about it than I am.
Avon disappears with Cally to have a go at Blake leaving me an Jenna on the flight deck. I try asking Jenna about Space Fatigue or whatever it is they think Blakes got but she just ignores me an goes to sit on the sofa and brood. May as well join her, nothing else doing.
Avon an Cally come back wiout Blake, making not much more sense than he was. Theres something very fishy going on an Im only hearin half the story from anyone, what wi them all talkin to each other over the top of me. They grab Jenna an the three of em disappear off leaving me with the flight deck to meself. Again. Not very exciting really. Cant see why Im bein kept in the dark about everything. Wouldnt take them that long to tell me properly what theyre all thinkin, now would it? Zens not much help about these things and I cant even ask Orac cos theyve got him.
So I reckon Zen can cope without me and go see whats happening in the rest room. I can hear the shoutin from down the corridor. Its not right, treatin Blake like that. Theyre all mad if you ask me, but as usual no one does.
Were back to goin to Del Ten. Blakes in restraints, Callys lookin after Jenna and Avon seems to think hes in charge of all of us. All bloody great. An they still havent told me what its all about, jus gone on about Space Fatigue some more an something to do with Blakes conditioning. It looks to me like they dont know themselves whats what... Not fair on Blake leavin him here like that. Spose Im supposed to be takin care of him as well. I wonder if he needs a drink. Mebbe Ill get him one just in case.
Blake tells me, Avon and Cally, theyve paired up. Doesnt make a whole lot of sense, I though I was their friend an' all. Still mebbe Blakes right an theyre lyin to me, who knows? Times like this itd be nice to get away from the lot of them, bloody Alphas and alien.
Gan would know what to do. Nice an straight forward Gan was, wouldnt have held wi any of this sneaking around. I think I miss him most for that. Be a shame if we dont make it to Del Ten at this rate but Im not exactly going to have the best of times if all this is still goin on when we get there.
So lettin Blake out of restraints wasnt the best decision of me life. How was I to know hed lock the others up an smash the control? Hes acting odder than ever now were at this hunk of rock but it cant do any more harm sending him down there to take a look. Dont hold with leavin the others down there like he wants but maybe if I send him to have a look the change of scenery will help him come to his senses. And then we can go have a nice holiday an get everyone acting normal towards each other again.
So now Ive lost contact wi Blake right after he said something about there being someone else down there. Probably someone nasty, the way our lucks bin. After all its not bin going well today for any of us.
Still, I can get the others out now, just hope they arent too mad wi me. But then if they think I was going to argue with Blake the way he was acting, theyve got another thing coming. What was I supposed to do? Hit him? He wasnt exactly taking much notice of what I was saying to him.
I tell Avon whats bin going on an hes all for going straight down there to rescue Blake. Typical... Hes not exactly happy with me either. As I expected. So I stay to operate the teleport wi Cally and surprise, surprise shes in a foul mood too. Blake gets in touch long enough to tell me to send the others down then we loose all of em again.
Dont think much of these people Blakes brought back with him. They creep me out if Im being honest about it, especially that Shivan wi all his bandages... And Avon doesnt like havin them around either so its not just me. Which is reassuring. Or not, depends how you look at it. Get rid of em an get on with having a holiday, thats what I say... Well if Blake wants me to go down an fetch some governor... I suppose itll get me away from them for a bit. An Deputy Leader sounds good even if it is probly just another sign that hes not in his right mind.
The Governors another strange one. She tells Blake that she wants him to run things for her, usin some very fancy words but theres something distinctly odd about it all. I slope off for a drink with Jenna while theyre all talkin politics on the flight deck but then Blake decides he wants us to go down to Atlay with him. Dont know why he wants me, Im no good at politics or protection.
Its getting to the point where Ive absolutely no idea whats going on in anyones head at all by now. I feel dizzy just tryin to keep track of it all. And I dont see why I should have to listen to a load of political speeches so Ill just wait in that room we passed up there until theyre good an ready to go back to the ship. Yeah, thats a good idea, an Blakes not objecting either.
Now what? I was having a nice rest an then all the shooting started followed by a lot of shouting. Blake an Jenna rush in wi that Ven Glynd bloke and we shove the drinks machine up against the door. Blakes acting odder than ever, Avon wont teleport us up and then Travis appears. Yeah, really makes my day all this.
Cally finally teleports me back to the ship and Avon looks lost for what to do. Bloody useless. An smashing some gadgets not gonna help- oh, it is, is it?
Right, thats all of us back on the ship, no extra passengers an Blake cant decide whether were goin on holiday or back to business as usual. The girls fuss over Blake and he acts like nothins happened. Avon stands next to me like its all back to normal then stalks off, so I suppose I may as well follow him and ask him what that last bit was all about.
I catch up with him an he grabs me arm and drags me to me cabin. I know this mood pretty well by now. Usually hes mad at Blake, or mad at himself for letting Blake get to him, or both. This time though hes mad at me as well by the look of it.
He slams me up against the door.
"How could you?" He forces the door open, then we fall through an I end up pinned against the wall.
"How could I what? You werent exactly lettin me in on anythin now were you?"
"I didnt wa- you didnt need to see. Not with your history."
"Decide that for me, did you? And what would you know about any of it?" That was unfair of me, hes bin through the mill as well from what hes said- and hasnt said.
"I told you enough that you shouldnt have to say that."
So thats what this past week has bin all about. He did say a lot of nothin much after Del Grant was here, and then he stopped coming round to see me. I wish hed just make his bloody mind up what he wants.
"Calm down," I say, "itll all sort itself out, always does. We all just need a rest."
"Blakes more fanatical than ever. You really think were going to get any rest now?" Hes not any calmer.
"Okay," I say, still trying to sound soothin "so what dyou want to do about it?" He starts to relax a bit when I say that, but hes still frettin about Blake moren he needs to.
"I dont know," he says, meanin it as well, judging by how he looks. Far be it from me to ever suggest he should actually go tell Blake how he feels about stuff.
"Got an idea," I say, doin some fast thinking, "Blakes going to look for this Star One whatever we say, right?" He nods. "So how about you an me let him get on with it and jus kick back for a while? Were not revolutionaries so why act like it all the time?"
He smiles and pulls an pushes me to the bed, twisting at the last minute so he somehow ends up underneath. Now thats more like it.
I hold his wrists out of the way while I kiss him, which gets a response as always. Avon likes power games far moren I do but life wouldnt be half as interestin if everyone was wired up the same. Im taking my time over things. Just because he can flip from one mood to another, doesnt mean I can.
Maybe I was wrong about him switchin moods, his hearts not really in it. Cant say Im particularly in the mood either. I roll onto me side an just look at him.
"Blake said you an Cally... not that I mind, I just wish youd told me." He looks confused again.
"Cally? Now what gives anyone the impression that I would- no, never mind."
"The pair of you were leaving me out a bit," I say by way of explanation.
"It was unintentional, I assure you. I didnt think youd have wanted to see what was happening with Blake. Then you walked in anyway. Maybe we should leave Jenna and Cally to see to the rest of Blakes deprogramming."
I suppose I should be grateful for that but I still feel like he could have told me, stead of just goin off like he did... Something elses bothering him but he doesnt seem to want to say any more at the moment. I pull him in close again. Never does any good to think about things too much, an Avon always seems to have more on his mind than he needs have.
"Id probably better go," he says, starting to slide over me.
"Why?" I ask pushing him back onto the bed. "I thought everything was okay again."
"It is," he says, "I just dont see the point in staying when its unlikely Ill sleep well after today. Theres no point in you being kept awake as well."
I start to say something in reply then I catch the look on his face an change it into an order for the lights to go right down.
Just enough light now that I can see where stuff is without having to see how hes feeling. Dont know if its just all the mess wi Blake getting to him more than hed like to admit, or...
"Want to talk about it?" I ask.
"Probably not," he says an goes very quiet.
"It was nothing really," he says after a long time. "Not compared to what they always said theyd do the next time and what I suppose- well anyway- its in the past."
"But it bothers you?" He doesnt deny it, so it must do. "So, what happened, did your family...?"
"Oh, they were never the problem," he says, "other than objecting to some of my more enterprising chemistry projects, they let me be myself most of the time." I file that comment for future reference, wondering just what hes capable of cooking up wi the right equipment.
"No, it was other people that were the problem. It was never enough for me to get better test scores than anyone else. I was always expected to behave the way they wanted me to as well. Alphas dont cut themselves. Alpha men arent attracted to other men, Alphas dont-"
"- pocket things that dont belong to them?" I suggest. Not that Im one to talk but at least I always steal useful things. Ive known him shoplift complete crap just to prove he can. Spose it depends what you thinks useful though.
"That too," he says, "and psychotherapists love to bundle everything up into one big problem and theorise that if one didnt do X, then one would have no urge to do Y or Z either."
"So they thought that they could turn you into a good little Alpha, eh?" Hold on, I could ask him something Ive always wondered about. No time like the present.
"But youre not, are you? Not really an Alpha, I mean? Not born an bred?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Only to me. An only cos Ive known you as long as I have. You always fitted in too well, like you were used to being something you werent. You used to get your fancy friends to meet you down the Pear Tree and theyd stick out like a sore thumb. But you, everyone noticed you, jus not like that."
"Ill take that as a compliment, shall I?"
"If you want. I wont say anythin to the others, of course, they might want to make something of it."
He goes quiet again, like hes still frettin over what happened today. Cant say I blame him or anything, I know as well as anyone what the Federation does to people who dont fit in. But maybe Im better at not thinking about it than the rest of them. Theres none of em dont have nightmares about one thing or another every so often. Why else are you always sure of someone else being awake whatever time of the night it is?
Its not good for him to think about things so much so I try an take his mind off it but he just pushes me hand away.
"Fine mess, this," I say. "Dyou think Blakes ever goin to let us go to Del Ten?"
"I wouldnt have thought it. Blake seems to be all fired up with his Cause once again. But I like your idea of finding our own entertainment whilst he does what he wants. Let me think about it for a while..."
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