Vila and Servalan in a Just-Unlocked Room

 A (not so) Pink Dormouse Production


Vila crept cautiously down the corridor, his back against the wall, ever alert to anything that might mean trouble. The two guards (he assumed they were guards) ahead of him turned and passed through a doorway, still arguing animatedly, as they had the whole time he had been following them. He slid quietly past the opening, catching a few snippets of conversation as he did so.

"According to canon..."

"Don’t be so bloody stubborn, what I meant was..."

"Can’t you two just give it a rest..."

"Who ate all the digestives?"

Seemed like everyone in the base was in there. Good. He reached the end of the corridor and found what he was looking for. Definitely someone in there, two people if the voices were anything to go by. He looked the lock over then pulled the appropriate tools from the box he carried. Dead simple. The door was unlocked in a matter in seconds and he pushed it slowly open, fully prepared to be jumped by one of the occupants.

Scanning the room, he spotted a slightly dishevelled Servalan reclining on a pile of velvet cushions. Running water could be heard from somewhere just beyond the room. Vila drew his gun.

"Vila, I wondered when you’d be turning up. Isn’t this pleasant?" Servalan smoothed her kimono over her thighs and gave him a predatory smile.

"Where’s Avon?" Vila asked suspiciously.

"Why, he’s in the shower. What do you take me for?"

"An avaricious monomaniac, what else?"

"I didn’t know you cared." Servalan stretched and patted the cushions next to her. "Why don’t you come and sit down here?"

"Because I don’t trust you?" Then again Avon’s ‘ready in ten minutes’ usually took at least half an hour.

Keeping his gun aimed at Servalan’s heart (assuming she had one), he crossed the room and perched on the furthest part of the mountain of velvet and padding.

"Vila?" Vila was examining the variety of confectionery he had half-inched from the canteen on his way in. "How would you like your own planet?"

"Never really thought about it. Lot of responsibility. I mean it’s not like a cat where the neighbours’ll feed it if you decide to go away for the weekend. Can you imagine me asking Avon to keep an eye on my planet while I went on an interstellar cruise? Don’t know what he’d get up to with it."

"But surely, your own planet?"

"Nah, don’t think so somehow." Vila unwrapped a large bar of chocolate-covered nougat and looked at it.

"Well, then," Servalan tried a different tack, "haven’t you ever wondered-"

"What it’d be like to shag you? I’ll ask Avon when we get back. And if he won’t tell me straight away, I’ll just threaten to tell Cally he still hasn’t given up smoking."

"But wouldn’t you rather find out for yourself?" Servalan slid across the cushions towards him; Vila did some rapid calculating as to which was the lesser evil out of resisting Servalan or giving in to her. She slid over him, bringing them nose to nose. He held out the nougat.

"You could have just asked."

"That’s not what I want, and you know it."

"Well if you insist..." Vila slid his free hand down between her thighs. Warmth, wetness, someone had certainly been having fun... He fiddled with the jewels on the various piercings he encountered, which seemed to go down well. Keeping an ear out for the sound of the shower, he continued to tease Servalan with his fingers and nibbled distractedly on the nougat.

Then the water stopped running.

"Okay, that’s quite enough," said Vila sliding out from under Servalan and drawing his gun. "Looks like there’s a fresh robe for you in that cupboard thing. Why don’t you put it on and sit in that nice chair over there?" He leaned against the wall and waited for Avon to emerge from the shower room.

"So," said Vila as he and Avon returned their teleport bracelets to the rack. "Where’s the nearest pawn shop?"


"Oh, just picked these up." Via held out his hand to show off the four diamonds and three rubies that he had acquired.


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